More Cops -- All Very Proper
In a surprise move that shocked lexicographers throughout the world, the audit firm Kafoury, Armstrong & Co. was forced to redefine the word “proper” in order to describe financial shenanigans perpetrated by the City of North Las Vegas.
The firm audited the City’s infamous “More Cops” program and concluded that the city had “properly” used funds from the initiative which was designed to provide new police for the city.
Oddly the firm also concluded that at least $1.8 million in funds were inappropriately appropriated to police already on the force, an action deemed to be in “noncompliance,” a noncompliance which was still all very “proper” apparently.
In addition the city made payroll mistakes leading to $85,777 being incorrectly–but “properly” it seems–billed to the “More Cops” fund.
City leaders rushed to praise just how “proper” things were done and to express their surprise out how “minor” were the errors.
“I was confident we had done nothing wrong, and I knew it would come out this way,” Mayor Shari Buck said. (RJ).
A confidence no doubt formed well before the audit was completed and sturdy enough to survive any number of embarrassing facts.
Gregory Rose, the former city manager who was mysteriously removed by Council last year under the cloud of the properly non-compliant “More Cops” program and who is under consideration–for no apparent reason–by the City of Reno for their manager job, was adamant about the city’s propriety:
“Any time you have a person involved in the accounting process, mistakes can be made,” he said. “Those mentioned in the audit seem pretty minor in the overall scope of things.”
No doubt the citizenry of Nor’Town will rest easier in their beds after all these assurances of how “proper” things get done in their community of choice, and how “minor” were any of the “proper” improprieties.
Still, one would think that those who so mysteriously–and expensively–rushed Mr. Rose out of city hall would probably want to send a little note to their counterparts in Reno. Perhaps a little warning? Or wouldn’t that be proper?
[UPDATE: Oh, this is fun. The City is applying for a grant of more funds for "More Cops." Check out item 20 here.]
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